It is a different era we live in…evidently it is ok for kindergardeners to talk like Ralphie in “A Christmas Story” when he helps his dad change the tire. Remember that scene?

Well my daughter said something last night that went straight to my soul. This lead to phrases like…GET DOWN HERE! GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW! YOU KNOW WHAT FOR?

Which then lead to this:

Which will ultimately lead to this:

I don’t like what happened last night…I took a muscle relaxer last night for my “back”…seriously I did…ask my mom…anyway, I woke up with a list of things I shouldn ‘t have said…ie “GET OUT”…probably shouldn’t have said that. Either way, there is today to try and do something about it..

This morning I am so humbled. Wow I spelled humbled right the first time…yay me! Words are kind of escaping me which is very rare I must say… There is a passage in The Message Eph 3:20 that says… “God can do anything, you know - far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams. He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.” I experienced that today…I have been frantically trying to find a good home for Forest…one where he was loved and taught and given a purpose…secretly too I wanted to be able to go see him as he grew…I have such a crush on that boy it is ridiculous. Wow I am a spelling machine today…said the dyslexic to herself.

3 wonderful,amazing,fabulous women have called in the past 48 hours. The first is someone I met several years ago. Our paths crossed when we would happen to be working with, riding, or feeding our horses at the same time. She moved her horses to another pasture a few years ago and we have not talked much since then. Well she offered, out of the blue, to help with Forest…She offered to pick him up,care for him, train him to have basic manners with the halter and lead rope and to stand still etc..also to have the vet come out to geld him (sorry ladies…he’s gorgeous I know but it’s gotta be done.)

The next phone call was from my dear friend Ruth. She and her husband Jeff have spent time discussing lovable Forest and decided that they would like to have him! When she told me my tear ducts went into overdrive. I love Ruth…I love Jeff…I love Forest…and I am so happy that they want him..after all, he was conceived in their back yard last year!

Then the 3rd call came last night…a very wonderful friend here in Anacortes…this woman has a schedule you wouldn’t believe. She is caring for her invalid mother, she has twin boys(13) who are incredibly active in sports..she has a special needs daughter in her 20’s who lives at home and doesn’t drive…she has two horses that need her attention and two goats who want her attention and two dogs that sometimes forget to use the “outside” and two cats that keep her on her toes. She is also dealing with her own health issues as well…and she calls ME last night and offers to trailer Forest to Ruth’s house…across the ferry…as soon as he is ready to go.

I am so humbled, so thankful, so amazed, so speechless-ish…far more than I could have asked or imagined.

I mentioned the other day about going to a hair appointment…kind of a combination consultation, cut-ish, counseling, humiliating, semi pointless appointment. It was all of the above. We consulted a little, cut a little, I was humiliated a little, and it was a little less than semi-pointless. Things looked better on the way home though it was still hidden under the wig. I think most of all it helped me feel a bit feminine again…not so much like a science project. That should be good for something I would think.

Please, don’t anyone miss the chance to say I LOVE YOU today! Say it to your dog, your kids, your spouse, your neighbor’s and friends, the grocery clerk, your horses, the policeman who pulls you over because you were hurrying home to say I love you to someone. You never know what tomorrow holds , but today you can say it…so SAY IT!

I love coconut and I love cupcakes and I love Carolyn…and today is Carolyn’s birthday! One of the reasons I love Carolyn (and believe me there are hundred’s of reasons to choose from) but one of the reasons is because she wants to celebrate her birthday by eating a coconut cupcake with me in exactly one hour.

This is one of the days that I am feeling better. Sometimes on those days I am not sure what to do…I am often afraid of over doing it…but I think celebrating Carolyn’s birthday kills cancer cells…I believe there is documentation somewhere that states that…and coconut…is very good for you:

“People from many diverse cultures, languages, and races scattered around the globe have revered the coconut as a valuable source of both food and medicine. Wherever the coconut palm grows the people have learned of its importance as a effective medicine. For thousands of years coconut products have held a respected and valuable place in local folk medicine.

In traditional medicine around the world coconut is used to treat a wide variety of health problems including the following: abscesses, asthma, baldness, bronchitis, bruises, burns, colds, constipation, cough, dropsy, dysentery, earache, fever, flu, gingivitis, gonorrhea, irregular or painful menstruation, jaundice, kidney stones, lice, malnutrition, nausea, rash, scabies, scurvy, skin infections, sore throat, swelling, syphilis, toothache, tuberculosis, tumors, typhoid, ulcers, upset stomach, weakness, and wounds.”

Seeeeee…what did I tell you?! Huh? See, now if you have scabies or scurvy you will know what to do…you are welcome! But just as a side note…please don’t share any of that info with me…I don’t know what scabies are but it sounds gross so please keep that one on the down low…as they used to say last year…or was it two years ago…anyway I have to go and eat me a coconut cupcake with Carolyn!!!

Last night was a milestone of sorts I guess. I tried to remember how long ago it was really, when the back pain started. It has been 3 years ago at least.

The pain got so bad that I was unable to roll over in bed. If I wanted to lay on my side…which really was my only option…I had to get up and walk around to the other side of the bed and make Chad move over so I could lay down…repeat…

After my diagnosis, I slept on my back in a hospital bed for a few months…laying on my side was too painful.

I have now been in a normal bed for about 1.5 years and last night I rolled over in bed for the first time since 2007. Ok, I think I am going to cry…it’s a big deal…for me…it means there is progress, that normal-ish events such as these may be in my future… “The road is loooong…with many a winding turn…that leads to who knows where, who knows where…”

I have committed to cleaning my closet today…well I have committed to having my mom clean my closet today…it is beauty lies in the TRUE story after all…but because I can lift a small stack of papers that I found, I decided to get a head start and go through them. In the pile I found several poems I wrote and submitted to a publisher…they were eventually published in a beautiful coffee table book…

Here is a sample…

Two lives that exist with no earth to live on, Two souls fall hand in hand from the sky, Breath began with a kiss now it’s memory we live on Needing no explanation for why.

Will eternity pass before it feels like one day? Have our hearts been forever here? The moon and the sun dance with us for fun, For time is not marked by the year.

There is exquisite pain in the glances exchanged For both lives do exist side by side, Caught breath, eyes shut tight, no surrender to might, Inhale the scent of your incoming tide.

The veil in between measured in depth of a dream Either by day or by night. Ecstasy found that it’s truth is not bound by reality, darkness or light.

And then there is this…

A candle burns, a flame so small, Cast long shadows on the wall

Was it all in my suppose? A flame that’s small in imagination grows?

Or was this flame a burning fire? Raging passion, lit desire?

The light by which I saw the world, Altered heart against it’s will.

Truant love it soon became, Nor has it ere been found again.

I have been thinking about how important it is that you say I Love You while you can…Those are words that no one can ever get tired of hearing…unless of course you stand next to your “loved one” and say I love you I love you I love you I love you without stopping for 1 hour and 42.5 seconds…then you are officially annoying.

But along with the thought above…I began to think about things I love…Not too many people leave comments after they read my blog…I LOVE comments…so if you want, and you DO want, after I write part of my list, write and tell me some things you love…

Ok, here is part of my list: The smell of fresh ground coffee horse breath camp fires teens who listen lemon fresh ripe peaches irreverent humor Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy Knotting Hill Chaps Kiefer Sutherland’s voice birds singing Disneyland My son calling olives ovals

This is Mr. Messy. He has lived in several of my closets over the past few years…you can hear him at night (if your husband stops snoring long enough)…I have never actually seen him, but I sure see the piles of shoes, boxes of “I better save these” and “the 80’s called again and they really want their sequined sweater back:)” he leaves behind. Evidently 37 scarves is not enough?!

Enter SUPER MOM…Super mom unhooked, detangled, dumped, sorted, color coded, categorized, lifted, dug and arranged for two days…while I sat in bed with a heating pad on my back watching the Olympics. Super mom even paid for lunch and dinner and lunch. I LOVE super mom. Now that Mr Messy is out:

Mr Clean is in. I am very attracted to Mr Clean…Mr Clean lives at my mom’s house most of the time…I don’t think Dad knows but I am sure he is grateful! I am very thankful that mom let him out of the house for the weekend…Mr Clean that is…Dad, is welcome to come and go as he pleases in case you were unsure about that…

FYI…clean closets kill cancer cells!!!!!!

Is everyone asleep? No one has sent in any of their favorite things… : (

Well then…here are a few more of mine

gingerbread

fine point sharpie pens

white noise

puffy baby cheeks

iced coffee

When Wentworth says to Anne Elliot “You pierce my soul, I am half agony and half hope. I have loved none but you”

Pumpkin butter from Williams Sanoma

I’m Alive by Kenny Chesney and Dave Matthews

In a previous post I told you about the chemo pills I was taking. The pills have a few odd side effects…one being Hand and Foot Syndrome…I talked about that too in an earlier post.

Today I am on day 9 of 14 of round 4 with the chemo pills. The H&F syndrome seems to be worse than it has been but with big globs of bag balm and disgusting foot sanders and band aids and gloves and avoiding anything hot (I’m talking temperature…not my husband or the new guy on Human Target)things seem do-able.

Another side effect has arisen now and I am calling it Wetsuit Syndrome. It makes everything I touch feel like I am wearing a wetsuit. It is so odd…my pants feel like a wetsuit, my shirt feels like a wetsuit, my arms and legs feel like a wetsuit, even the keyboard feels like a wetsuit.

I wonder what’s next?! Webbed feet?

This needle is called a butterfly…it looks like a butterfly…but often times I wonder about whether or not the medical profession gives icky things happy names so you won’t think about how icky they really are. Right now I am sitting in the IV chair having treatment. I started the appointment with lab work and they used a butterfly.. then I spoke with the Dr.and then I got a shot in my tummy and then they started the IV…well let me clarify…they tried to start the IV. Butterfly #1 went in and my veins revolted…butterfly #2 went in and my veins dried up…butterfly #3went in and all the blood went to my other arm. Butterfly #4 went in and then out the other side of my vein..oops. Finally butterfly #5 found success…yipee…I am taking out my sharpie and marking that spot for tomorrow’s blood transfusion. What?

Just sitting here having a blood transfusion…all was well until my roommate arrived…an elderly gal with heart issues…thank goodness…she’ll be nice and quiet…that is until her sister and her sister’s husband came for a LOOOOONG visit… However, I think they should have stopped at the marriage counselor first and then the complaint counter for a while before coming here. They are trouble stirrers for sure…and my blood pressure is now on the rise. Oh my they have switched to politics…now they are trying to figure out the origin of a word they have never heard before…this is so not killing cancer cells…oh my here comes the Lasix…thank goodness that in a few minutes I will be able to escape to the “ladies”..maybe I will hide in there while I get the next unit of blood…oh my now we are on the Dracula book from book club. Whoa another visitor… Help me Rhonda! OOPS the Lasix is working..be right back…oh now they are soliciting for a place for some homeless people to live…yikes…waiting for second unit of blood…been here since 9am..clock says 12:50…blood takes about two hours…think I will order some lunch…

I figure a long day deserves two posts. My roommate really is a sweet gal and now that all her guests have left it’s pretty quiet in here…except for the excavator and jackhammer right outside the window…but I am just calling that white noise until they break through the wall. Oops Lasix break.Ok, I’m back… so… the clock says 1400 hours (for the homeschooling moms)my nurses are so great…that is one of the main reasons I come here…they smile and laugh and serve…joyfully…I want to serve joyfully too…but maybe at a latte stand…coffee is one of my strengths…bedpans are not…nor is spelling…or sewing…or lifting heavy objects… Anywho, I thought that with everyone gone..I would nap a bit…but my tiny,frail,elderly roommate beat me to the punch and began snoring like an approaching freight train. oh well…I will serve her joyfully by not hollering at her or smacking her like I do my husband when he snores…besides that she just had heart surgery…which pretty much rules out hollering or smacking Only 100 more hours to go…just kidding…it only feels like that.

I have been married to Mr Gadget for almost 21 years. During those years of bliss we have accumulated 1,948 electrical cords. Each cord only fits one thing. Ok that’s a lie..extension cords don’t count…make that 1,944 cords that only fit one gadget each. Most of these gadgets we don’t even own anymore OR they no longer work OR they are dead because for some reason we can’t find the cord that charges them. I love things that make my life easier…I HATE CORDS…but cords are what bring the things that make my life easier to life…I still HATE cords…always will.

Thank you for listening…I am now able to move on.

I have been spending a lot more time with super mom lately. She rides along to most of my appointments with me, carrying my bag that has my little laptop in it and saving me a seat in the waiting room while I have my lab work done, watching over my purse and coat so I don’t have to haul them with me, and driving the car from the parking space to the hospital entrance so I don’t have to walk too far. Then she drives us to lunch somewhere or to the store if I need something, or to Dairy Queen if I need “something”, or back to her house, or sometimes she drives just so I can make all my phone calls to everyone who wants an update.

Another thing super mom does is encourage me to eat protein all the time…she tells me that it is what our bodies need in order to heal. I, on the other hand, think lemon/ginger scones are more healing, but that is only because I love both lemon and ginger…and frosting.

But super mom is actually right this time. I know because I checked on the Internet…which never lies by the way. Here is what it said:

Protein: A large molecule composed of one or more chains of amino acids in a specific order determined by the base sequence of nucleotides in the DNA coding for the protein. Proteins are required for the structure, function, and regulation of the body’s cells, tissues, and organs. Each protein has unique functions. Proteins are essential components of muscles, skin, bones and the body as a whole. Examples of proteins include whole classes of important molecules, among them enzymes, hormones, and antibodies. Protein is one of the three types of nutrients used as energy sources by the body, the other two being carbohydrate and fat.

Now I realize that I can no more heal myself by eating protein then my kids can avoid having an argument for 5 solid minutes…but I digress… What I do know though, is that I need to do my part…but here is the amazing spooky part of this story…the most important protein for healing is known as Laminin. I know this because it was on the Internet and the Internet, as I mentioned before, does not lie. Here is what it said:

Basically, laminin is a protein found in the “extracellular matrix”, the sheets of protein that form the substrate of all internal organs also called the “basement membrane…. Laminin is vital to making sure overall body structures hold together. Improper production of laminin can cause muscles to form improperly…In layman’s terms, a laminin is like a foundation of a building, a chassis of a car. In short, laminin is like the glue that holds us together.

It’s Laminin that is the basis of our bodies being able to heal…and here is what Laminin looks like isolated under the microscope:

That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout!!!!!!! Coincidence…I think not.

Yesterday, or should I say last night, there was an incident…a rather large incident I am sorry to say…big enough for me to miss watching American idol. It had to do with using good manners…and common decency…and expectations…a dangerous combination as I have discovered. Such a reminder that real life still goes on despite the cancer.

Yes, I am in Vacaville…Vacaville, California…it’s a long story..we will get to that later..I promise…seriously…I will… I am here with my brother…we have been here since last Thursday. It has been an experience I will never ever ever never never ever never ever forget. Just one of the experiences I had yesterday..just one of the many experiences I have had, was meeting Christa Black. Yes, that is a picture of Christa Black. Look her up on you tube…search for Black Monday… Christa and I are Now BFF’s…ha…not really…however she is BFF caliber…she is funny..irreverent..wears the cutest boots..writes songs and gives them the best titles…all the things I look for in a best friend…ha..not really…ok..sorta..but most of all she is REAL and BEAUTIFUL…not just because she has legs that start somewhere in middle earth and keep going…or because she wears this cool shirt that zips up the back..or that her hair starts from the upper atmosphere and stops near her waist..(forgive my issues with being shorter and losing my hair as a result of the cancer). She is beautiful because she reflects amazing love. Oh and she can SING…wow she can sing… We talked and high-fived and exchanged email address…well hers is her name with .com after it…duh.. Anywho, I dare you to not like her. More later…

Hi everyone! Long time no see : ) Well our plane landed safely on Saturday night…we found a ride home from the airport thanks to one of Andy’s great friends. It was a fabulous trip…one I will never regret taking…ever..I cant wait to tell you what happened…oh wait…yes I can. Talk to you later. xo

I caught a cold somewhere and today is the worst of it so far. At first I thought that maybe something in Vacaville was blooming…some strange flower, weed, bush, tree…something.. and that is what was making my nose run and making me sneeze. But alas, when I got home I found that my son was having the same symptoms and that we were just the fortunate recipients of a nice head cold. He however has the immune system of Vitamin C itself…if Vitamin C was a living breathing person…(oh my gosh I think I am hallucinating). I, on the other hand, have little to no immune system left and am having a much harder time. Think of a whale and then think of a piece of plankton…the whale is my son’s immune system and the plankton is mine (oh it’s official now…and I am not even taking any cold medicine) I think I was telling you about the cold because that was my excuse for sitting on my rear all day and working on my book…it’s about a guy who is the son of a potato farmer in Ireland, and he falls in love with the wealthy land owner’s daughter…and then the landowner finds out and then there is a potato famine…oh, wait, that is the OTHER book I am writing. This book is the one about my experiences and lessons through stupid cancer. It’s gonna be goooooood. You just wait…you’ll laugh, you’ll cry… I am still working on that other book, and a HUGE paint by number, and a family cookbook,and I am crocheting a scarf… Haaaaaaachoooooooooo! Ok that does it…I am taking my tissues with lotion back the the bedroom and lay down.