Sorry for the late entry. Today has been all over the map. It is interesting when you release control over your day what can happen. The most amazing of which my daughter started a short stint at summer school which she didn’t find out about until 8:00am this morning. I anticipated the equivalent of a small nuclear disaster but she got up and got dressed and went without a whine. Bravo girl! I spent the morning at the hospital with a friend and her parents, I had a long talk with another dear friend, caught up with yet another friend, the kids took off to run errands and the day is only half over. Oh the possibilities. : )

Wow Dad…a hole in one!!!!!!! No one deserves it more than you!!!!!!!!!!!

Congratulations!!!!!!! Yee-haw!

The last few days have been a little rough. My focus has been in the wrong place. Which in turn has reminded me that I need to make an appointment with the eye Dr. And for some reason, I haven’t been able to find my glasses. I have looked everywhere. Anyway, I digress…this isn’t about my glasses or the fact that I may be going blind..eventually…It’s about FOCUS. The last few days I have focused on certain problems and issues. This was not a good choice. I’ll tell you what else is not a good choice…the neighbor’s dog…they should have found a dog that doesn’t bark incessantly from dawn to dusk on the one day you want to open your window because the sun finally came out. So today, after I call animal control, I will change my focus. No more down in the dump days for me…I hope…

This entry is going to be a hard one for me.

With dad (my husband) gone, the 4th of July looks much different this year. Traditional celebration is too painful. My son asked for a change of scenery to avoid painful reminders. So we packed up and headed to Grandma and Grandpa. At Grandma’s house there is French Toast, entertainment, golf, someone to pick up after you, provide snacks without restriction and cozy beds where you can sleep forever if you want.

Time with extended family is part of the plan as well. We are looking forward to that. It is not our first choice, as I am sure you can imagine, but it is a great soft place to land for a few days.

In our house there is an empty space where my husband used to be…a manhole if you will… Although my son’s instinct is to try and fill that space, he is only 14 and too young to take that on. And just because my daughter loves monster trucks and Nascar, that doesn’t mean she is the man for the job either.

So I guess that leaves me…as it should… you can call me “mad” (that would be mom+dad) or you could call me “dam” (dad+mom). Oh the irony.

Honestly, I don’t like being the man…I wasn’t made to be the man. So…as a result of this new dynamic, I will henceforth be turning over my man-duties to “The Man”.

Ok, today’s entry is going to be a bit short. But don’t be fooled by it’s shortness. Just because it’s short doesn’t mean it’s not big. Often in life we find ourselves standing in front of a smouldering pile of ashes…ashes of what we hoped for, our vision. Maybe they are ashes of lost relationships or special people in our life. Maybe they’re ashes of a job loss. Or maybe they are the pile of ashes our teenager left behind after we have worked our fingers to the bone to raise them, lost hundreds of hours of sleep that lead to Dr’s appointments and prescriptions and counseling and…well I think you get the idea.

So, today I have decided that I am going to trade in my ashes for a bouquet of roses. I am doing it right now, mentally and then after another cup of coffee, a shower, and putting on my wig, I am going to do it physically so that I have to look at that bouquet through the day and remember that I have not only traded in but I have traded up.

The challenge this season is to maintain balance. With a wanna-be independent 18yr old, a 14yr old and me, there are definitely an array of wants and needs. Issues with the cars and rides and plans and dinner and friends and money and schedules and appointments, all swirl through the house every day. I would rather Mr. Clean swirl through my house every day. With an exception of a few… oops I forgot and I lost track of time, and I will do it later…we have kept everything upright so far…but the ship is beginning to take on water and that’s not good. Hopefully in the next few weeks Emily will have a schedule and an income…Joe will have his golf pass and be linking up with his buddies…get it…“linking up” : ) and I will be able to stand up and declare to the neighborhood “This ship will not sink despite the storm.”

I so love what happens when friends get together. Like today I spent the morning with a friend. We were simply running errands together but being around her made me happy. I actually just saw her a few days ago but it didn’t matter…I was still happy to see her today. In another week or so I am re-connecting with my dearest friend from elementary school. I haven’t seen her since the end of 6th grade. I am so excited. I have even spent some time looking at my year book from that year, saw the pictures, read all the things we wrote to eachother…it was embarassingly precious. Any happiness right now is a good thing. Happy makes healing happen more quickly. I was going to say quicker but that would have been a bad example in “blogging 101”. Happy also lowers your blood pressure and it boosts your immune system.

So connect with a friend as soon as you can and be happy.

So it’s Saturday and I am cleaning my house…cleaning my house literally and figuratively. Cleaning the house is a good feeling…a better feeling is watching someone else do it or even going to get a pedicure while someone else is doing it.

But today I am doing it, and while I do it literally, I am also doing it in my head. What about my “house” needs to be cleaned or even thrown out? I found a lot of old stuff that was saving, but when I look at it now I realize that it is no longer important. That was then. Different things are precious to me now and those things I am saving. Some things I thought were important to hang on to but I realize now that I was wrong.

I am dusting out the cobwebs in corners I have not dealt with and moping up the messes that have been there for too long.

Tomorrow I may be really really sore, but sometimes cleaning can be painful and you really have to put your back into it or it never really gets clean.

Ok, the metaphors are starting to get to me and I have more to do. Talk to you soon.

Love, Mrs. Clean

What I have learned about communication. Without it, there is 100% chance of misunderstanding.

Wow if the past few years have not been all about “letting go” for me. That and about 100 other things. But I would have to say that the letting go has been the biggest and hardest of the lessons…not to mention I am afraid of heights!

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We all have gifts and talents. One of my talents is to be amazingly disorganized. Another one of my wonderful talents is to save every ticket stub, picture, report card, school picture, birthday card, gum wrapper, school project, newspaper clipping,teacher evaluation, business card, friend gift, and baby hair. I do this so that in the future when my kids want to remember their childhood and cry and laugh and wonder when the heck they did something, they will have at their immediate disposal, something to remind them of everything they have ever done in their entire life.

I also have the insane ability to make sure it is never in one place…making it almost impossible to find when I need to.

This was the story this morning. I needed two simple pieces of paper…critical pieces of paper…papers containing very critical information…AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHH!

After tearing everything apart…I found the papers… papers that documented my daughter’s diagnosis… in the middle of a 3 ring binder on the top shelf, that was full of football statistics from a computer football game. Brilliant!

Can you make New Year’s resolutions in July? Because my resolution for 2010 is to get organized.

See you in December, when I will be sharing with you all the excuses for why this never happened…I better start a file for that.

This is my baby Forest…who is actually Holly’s baby literally…but by ownership is my baby…and now under new ownership is in fact Ruth’s baby. And as Natalie Grant sings:

You’ll always be my baby No matter how the years fly by The way you love me made me Who I am in this world I’m a woman now, not a little girl Wherever this life takes me You’ll always be my baby

Well she kinda sings that but I changed the words a little tiny bit…and I would like to add that she will always be his baby…and he was a great dad…still is…and taking it a step further..I love the Grant family, everyone of them..though I haven’t seen Steve in a while, but I am planning coffee with Beth soon.

So today, I am off to be enchanted by Forest…get it? Enchanted…Forest… I give up. While I am there I will be graced by the presence of my dear friend Ruth which will add greatly to my day in ways that are too many to count.

So due to the dictates of the ferry (oh how I miss homeschooling moms over the summer break) I must go. I have a lot of carrots to pack for my baby…I mean her baby..never mind.

Dog hair dog hair everywhere, dog hair dog hair in the air, dog hair dog hair on the floor, dog hair dog hair in the drawer

dog hair dog hair on the couch, dog hair dog hair in my mouth. dog hair dog hair on my pants, let’s all do the dog hair dance.

Dog hair dog hair in the car today I wage the dog hair war. First I brush him for an hour Next I place him in the shower.

The dog hair problem will soon be gone At least until tomorrow’s dawn.

Last week the kids and I headed to Grandma and Grandpa’s house. I was scheduled to go to a conference all weekend and the kids were scheduled to be entertained and fed and catered to all weekend.

Welllllllllll…Mom and I both ended up with back spasms. Holy donuts they hurt and they annoy and they kinda ruin your chance to attend the whole conference. I did, however, meet some great people and I am very thankful for that. There was a moment when Emily’s schedule and my pain didn’t line up. That was not a good moment…but we worked it out. She got home in time to do everything she needed to do and I took another dose of muscle relaxers. I still have a lot to work on with her. I need to find a book titled: “How to parent your 18yr old with Asperger’s who wants it all”

The silver lining is that she and I had a good talk, we both learned some things that will help each other in the upcoming years and we both have counseling appointments next week. We’ll make it…nothing is impossible.

Peach facts to enhance your life… Prunus Persica or peaches, they say, originated in China. They are symbols of abundance and protection. So far I am loving the peach. They are also said to be symbols of affection. The peach is bursting with vitamin A and C and E, and if you can handle more good news, they are good for your skin!!! I say, who CAN’T love a peach?

So today I ate a peach. With every bite I felt abundance and protection. Seriously. Maybe it wasn’t because of the peach itself, but I felt it! I also felt like telling my kids…”You’re a peach” which I did and my son smiled and my daughter looked at me funny.

Today, peaches became part of the healing process and I ain’t turning back. In fact, here is my gift to you today…in case you need some healing yourself.

Peach Cobbler Crumb Cake 1 (16 oz.) can of peaches in light syrup 1 box yellow cake mix 1 cube of butter

Instructions Pour peaches and syrup in 9 x 13 cake pan. Sprinkle cake mix over peaches. Top with butter slices. Bake at 350 degrees until golden brown. Serve with Cool Whip or alone.

You’re welcome

I saw my Dr. yesterday. Have I mentioned how great he is? I have? Oh, well let me just say again he is super fantastic. We discussed my blood work which was good and somehow defying logic. We talked about Chemo pills and bone pain (which is virtually non-existent). But most of all we talked about stress and how that can affect me. We talked a lot about my husband leaving and the effect on the kids and families and me. It is the first time we talked more about my stress level than my blood levels.

Most oncology doctors wouldn’t go into such detail with their patients. He suggested many options…one involved a guy named Frankie “Four Fingers” Messorelli…actually I think that was my suggestion…

Anyway, my new marching orders are not to be stressed out…so I gotta go. My driver is bringing the Jaguar around to take us to the airport where the kids and I will spend a few weeks in Arizona on our oceanfront property.

If you had 3 wishes what would they be? And no, the third wish cannot be for 3 more wishes! Today I wanted 3 wishes. Had I been granted 3 wishes a few years ago, I can confidently say I would have wished for tangible objects. Not today…not even close.

Many times in life we experience a situation which is both good and bad i.e. cotton candy…tastes good/bad for you. Or there is the root canal…horrible/good for you. Or even the snake bite you got while on vacation in Eastern Washington while you were walking back to the RV you saved for, for 2 years just to rent it for a week and relax. You had to get a shot of anti-venom/saved your life.

We all have had events like this in our lives. Maybe they all don’t last for 3+ years but it’s the same outcome.

Here is my latest…husband leaves/I get to watch my incredible son as he goes through this…painful/proud…amazing!

(Radio announcer’s animated voice)

“Back by unpopular demand…DOING THE RIGHT THING!”

Doing the right thing… It’s unpopular It’s hard It’ll make people mad You will have hours and hours of indecision, or not

Doing the right thing! Brought to you by Morals..the difficult way to live.