I hope everyone had a fabulous Memorial Day weekend. It was cold-ish and rainy here but it was nice to have the time with the kids and no schedules.

So I was thinking today that I would explain more about those three experiences I had. I am just not exactly sure how to do it. I just keep wishing that the words would flow from my brain to my fingertips and it would be clear and bright with a bit of funny and sweet mixed in.

Ok, well, the other day I was at the pasture loving on the horses and I looked down and saw a few of those little tiny daisies in the grass. This made of think of that dream I had where I was on my tummy in the grass..which then made me think of the other two things and suddenly it dawned on me (ok so I am little slow) “This isn’t three separate things…it’s one BIG thing.” All three of these events were to essentially tell me how to go on in life and in the circumstances I am in. I could give the answer away right now but I want to hear what you think…I am doing this out of curiosity, to get to know you all better, and to really confirm to myself that I am not crazy. So I will just sit hear and wait to hear from you…I am a little hungry and kinda have to use the bathroom so if you come up with something in the next few minutes that would be awesome. Thank you.

I feel a bit odd today. I feel like I have spent a little too much time this morning thinking on one subject. For a person who is random, this is like someone with claustrophobia being trapped in a crowded elevator. My brain wants to be free and unfocused..able to dance between deep and shallow thoughts…to go from the grocery list to wondering if some giraffes ever feel superior just because they are a little bit taller than other giraffes…to being thankful for the person who developed the sharpie with the fine tip. So writing today’s entry will be like getting out of my lymph edema support socks and putting on my fuzzy slippers.

Ok so blah blah 3 things…not really 3 things but one big thing yadda yadda…what does it all mean. With cancer or any other difficult situation in life, decisions have to be made. When I was diagnosed I had an initial reaction of shock. I had no idea what to say or do..I was frozen in place. Soon thoughts filled my head based for the most part in fear and anxiety. Eventually I had to make some decisions about how I was going to live day to day with this diagnosis and all the peripheral issues to come. This ain’t no easy process sister (or brother)! I spent many hours on my knees, lying awake, in the car, on the radiation table, praying for something…some way to handle “everything”. Then these 3 pictures came to me. I do not have to fear because I have a guide who is walking beside me, holding my hand and although I don’t have a clear picture of what is ahead I, like a 3yr old don’t have to fear what’s ahead. I don’t have to worry about how I am going to survive as I go because when I need whatever it is…strength, courage, words, ability in whatever form, it will be there. I may not see it now but when I need it, it will be there. And through it I will know that I am loved and Jesus in his Jesus clothes has my back and my front and everything else. So freak or no freak this is my story and I’m stickin to it!

This is a very sad and a very happy day. Today my baby Forest Jump becomes my dear friend Ruth’s baby. I love Forest and I love Ruth and to add some freaky to this love fest…he will be living in the exact field that his mom Holly and his dad Paxim did the whoop-de-doo in. Yikes!

It is sad to push my baby out of the nest but it is great that he will only be a ferry ride away. Bye Forest…Mommy loves you!!!

This is my other baby…or my babies momma and I am his momma and her momma…this is sounding kinda freaky. I got Holly as a baby. She was only 3 at the time. I love this girl. She has been my teacher, therapist and BFF. She loves long walks, tall grass, grain and pringles. She smells good to me all the time and I love the way she comes when I call and we hug and scratch and kiss and sniff and kiss some more.

Today Holly starts an adventure. She is going to a friends to learn some new things. I am so happy that she will finally be busy and challenged after a long long long hiatus. I am sad but not to terribly sad because I am going to see her in two days. Goodbye my love…until Sunday.

There is no picture to go with this blog tonight. It’s better to leave a hole there for now I suppose. Tonight my husband left. He said that everyone has the right to be happy so he wants his shot at being happy. He took off his wedding ring, filled a hefty bag full of clothes and left.

I really have nothing more to add tonight…maybe tomorrow. Tonight is about the kids.

This is a pain unlike any I have ever known. A pain worse than cancer. I have known no other pain so deep.

My sense of humor is on hold today. It is harder to be witty right now. I am afraid this new level of… “Laurie I am going to prune you back until there is nothing left but me” xoxo All my love, God

…is harder than I thought. There are not many branches left to cut off, that I know of anyway..

Please pray for me y’all

snipp…snipp…snipp…snap!

Laurie

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Today’s blog brought to you by Wynonna

Am I right ladies? huh? Thought I could do you gals a favor while I write this second blog of the day.

After a few rounds of tears for everyone here, we are getting stronger. Everything is going to be ok. We have guidance, we have provision (enough for some summer fun. Big Huge thanks to G & P) we got plans for an awesome trip (thanks to United Air Miles) etc. Things are looking fine. Everything felt a little shaky at first, but we got it together. Our future is looking good.

“Just the three of us, we can make it if we try, just the three of us, you and I…and you”

Today we start building the three legged stool.

More later after coffee.

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Today’s second blog is brought to you by Toby Mac

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Today’s blog brought to you by Francesca Battistelli

If I could be any animal in the world today, I would be a cat. I would sleep for 23 hours in the sun, wake up and stretch like I have never stretched before, eat a little and then go back to sleep. This is what today feels like for me. How about you?

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Today’s Amazing blog is brought to you by Kirk Franklin

Things are looking up here. The kids and I have been coming up with ways to move forward and so far we are doing really well…surprisingly well. We worked with the Parks and Rec department and Joe is excited to volunteer with them all summer. Emily is looking for a job but in the meantime she is helping me out. For the most part, peace reigns. Laughter between the three of us is common now. Emily and I have a great gal that we are talking with and Joe has a terrific guy here in town that loves to work with guys his age in a very “outside the box ” way. Emily is excited because she can bring her dog Jack with her and Joe is looking forward to a new start this summer as he heads to High School in a few months.

We are doing the best with what we have and it is amazing how things are falling into place.

I just wanted to say hello to Ron and Jaegar. Thank you guys!

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY !

The last few days have been full of some new experiences. On Monday it was a mother/son road trip..great time..lots of laughter. On Tuesday I dressed up for the first time in a coon’s age…(that’s how we talk up here in the north country) and I went into “town” aka Seattle to speak to a group of amazing men.

I was overwhelmed by their kind, thoughtful words, and grateful to have the chance to finally put faces with names I have heard spoken for years. These guys were great and they accepted me with open arms. I sure hope that I shared things that they could take home with them.

So shout out to “the men” there in that room. You are AWESOME! You made me feel so welcome! I was humbled and blessed and very thankful to everyone. (Kathryn..I sure missed you!)

Today I saw the good Dr. Seriously he is a GOOD Dr. And for the first time I heard him utter the word remission. Seriously people it looks like we are headed in that direction.

Fabulous, amazing, unbelievable, magnificent, spectacular news !!! I wish the family was together to share in it. I plan to celebrate with the kids tomorrow night (the 24th)!…a date that has been on my calendar, with a heart, for 21 years…now becomes the day I celebrate the path to remission.

Here, in this picture, is a glimpse into my brain of how life looks to me right now. In an odd way there is beauty, but it looks a little scary too…says the person that thinks someone or something is going to leap out of nowhere and get you…a disgusting spider or a bee or a snake or a dude with a mask and a kitchen knife…

In this picture you can’t see very far ahead …not a big fan of that either!

I really really really wish I could walk this trail and not be afraid of anything. I am pressing on toward that goal. Wanna come with me?

Yesterday was unexpectedly fabulous. First I drove a friend to the eye doctor…you can imagine the fun we had!!!! No…really…it was a great drive over Deception Pass Bridge and into Coupville. The sun was out and it was beautiful. Then she had her eyes dilated, which was great because if she hadn’t, I wouldn’t have driven her to the appointment in the first place. This would have then started a chain reaction causing us to miss out on a great cup of coffee at the end of this long pier, and a fabulous drive along the bay past Penn Cove, where I found my dream home. We would have missed out on great conversation, lots of laughs and a dinner invitation. And I never would have tried Salmon pizza with pesto and feta cheese. Wow that was good. So thank you dear Carolyn for having an eye problem. It made for a fabulous day! That there is your silver lining!